How to Self Advocate When You Are Nervous

Self advocacy is a brave act but it can trigger intense anxiety. When your nervous system is already on edge the thought of an in person meeting or a phone call can be enough to cause a total shutdown. You do not have to put yourself through a state of panic just to be heard.

Here is how to self advocate in a way that respects your nervous system and gets you heard.

Choose Asynchronous Communication

Whenever possible choose email or portal submissions over phone calls or in person meetings. Writing allows you to draft edit and send when you are in a calm state. It also creates a permanent paper trail which is your best friend in disability advocacy.

If they ask for a meeting you can reply with:

I struggle in unfamiliar environments, can we please schedule a telehealth meeting so I can be at home with my support person.

Or

I struggle to articulate my needs in real time due to the nature of my disability. I have attached a document detailing my support requirements. Please review this so we can ensure the best outcome.

When You Are Caught Off Guard

If you receive an unexpected call remember that you are not obligated to speak. Personally I do not answer private calls, ever. Check ins are often performed by admin staff not qualified allied health professionals. It is a very real and valid concern that your struggles may not be understood or could be diminished by someone who lacks clinical training.

If they persist and say it will only be quick do not be pushed into speaking. You risk misrepresenting your needs when you are caught off guard and your nervous system is in survival mode. You do not need to justify your boundaries or provide a reason for ending the call.

Try this script:

I am not able to speak right now. This is not a good time for me to discuss this. I would prefer to have this conversation via email or at a scheduled time. I will end the call now and we can set up an appointment via email.

Then simply hang up. You do not need to wait for their permission.

The People Pleasing Trap

As neurospicy women who have people pleased our whole lives it is really hard to hold boundaries even for our own safety. Speaking up for ourselves feels extremely unnatural and difficult. If you feel guilty for hanging up or for saying no remind yourself that you are not being rude. You are protecting your safety. People pleasing is a trauma response and in the context of the NDIS it is a risk to your support. You do not owe anyone your comfort at the expense of your own stability.

Bring A Support Person

If you must attend a meeting bring a support person. Whether it is a trusted friend a family member or a professional support worker having someone there to hold the space take notes or just sit quietly beside you can make the world of difference. Your support person is not there to fight your battles for you. They are there to help you stay grounded so you can communicate clearly.

Use A Script

Nervousness can make us go blank. Do not rely on your memory. Write your core needs on a card or in your notes app. If you get flustered look at your script.

It is perfectly okay to say:

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. I am going to read from my notes to make sure I cover everything I need to discuss.

The Power of Being Firm but Kind

Remember you do not have to be loud to be heard. You just have to be firm clear and kind to yourself. You are the expert on your life and your needs. If the person on the other end is rushing you or making you feel like you are being difficult remember that you are advocating for your safety and your right to live with dignity.

You got this. Take it one step at a time and use these tools to help you fight for the support you deserve.

Kelly & MLS team